8 signs that you grew up with emotionally unavailable parents

Growing up, we all had different experiences with our parents. Some of us were lucky enough to have emotionally present parents, while others were… not so much. Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents can have lasting effects on our personality and character.

It can be difficult to spot the signs, but recognizing these signs is the first step to understanding our emotional background and healing our wounds afterwards.

8 signs that you were raised by emotionally unavailable parents

• Difficulty expressing feelings
• Desire for confirmation
• Struggling with intimacy
• Very independent
• Fear of rejection
• Thirst for love
• Difficulty trusting others
• Hypersensitivity to criticism
• Difficulty expressing feelings

Difficulty expressing feelings

Being raised by emotionally unavailable parents can leave its mark on our emotional world. It is not unusual for children of these parents to find it difficult to express their feelings.

Why; Because feelings were not discussed or acknowledged openly in their upbringing. This can lead us to suppress our feelings or worse, feel guilty for having them.

So, if you find it difficult to express or manage your emotions often, it may be a sign that you were raised by emotionally unavailable parents.

Confession is the first step to understanding and healing.

Desire for confirmation

Growing up, your parents were always busy. They were physically there, but emotionally distant. It was like living with strangers who shared the same space. Maybe when you were a kid you would do anything to get a nod of appreciation or just a “well done.” You have been craving this kind of emotional commitment and affirmation from your parents.

This carries over into adulthood. Whether at work or in personal relationships, you tend to constantly search for validation. It's a classic sign that you grew up with emotionally unavailable parents.

Struggling with intimacy

Children of emotionally unavailable parents often find it difficult to form deep, intimate relationships in adulthood. This applies not only to romantic relationships, but also to friendships and even professional relationships.

The reason behind this is quite clear. As children, we learn about emotional intimacy from our parents. If they had been emotionally distant, we may not have learned how to open up and trust others with our feelings.

Children who grow up with emotionally distant parents are more likely to have relationship problems in adulthood. So, if you are finding it difficult to form and maintain close relationships, this may be a sign coming from your past.

Very independent

There is a fine line between self-reliance and excessive independence. Children who grow up with emotionally unavailable parents are often overly independent adults. This is because they had to take care of themselves emotionally from a young age.

The constant need to rely only on oneself, refusing help from others even when needed, or always preferring to work alone are all signs of excessive independence.

It is a defense mechanism, a way to protect oneself from the emotional disappointment that one experiences in childhood.

Fear of rejection

Another sign that you were raised by emotionally unavailable parents is a constant fear of rejection. These fears often stem from early experiences of feeling rejected or neglected by our parents.

If our emotional needs are not consistently met during childhood, we may develop a deep fear of rejection or abandonment.

This can manifest in different ways in our adult lives. You may find that you avoid relationships or back away from commitments for fear of disappointment.

Thirst for love

Everyone craves love and affection, but those raised by emotionally unavailable parents may feel an insatiable hunger for it. They may have spent their childhood longing for the warmth they were constantly denied, a connection that was always difficult.

This can leave these people with a huge void that they try to fill with love and affection from others. They may give too much to their relationships or fall in love too quickly, all in an attempt to find the emotional connection they lost as children.

Difficulty trusting others

There are people who find it difficult to let others into their lives and trust them with their feelings. They build a wall around themselves, not by choice, but because it makes them feel safe. This hesitation does not come out of nowhere. It is a survival strategy ingrained in them due to their parents being emotionally unavailable.

Maybe when they were children, the people who needed trust the most were the people who let them down time and time again. So it's easier for them to keep everyone at a distance than to risk getting emotionally hurt.

So, if you have trouble trusting others or if you always expect the worst from people, this may be a sign that you grew up with emotionally unavailable parents. It's not your fault, and it's something that can be resolved with time and understanding.

Hypersensitivity to criticism

If you feel overly sensitive to criticism, whether constructive or not, it may be a sign that you grew up with emotionally unavailable parents.

This sensitivity often stems from feeling like you weren't good enough when you were a child. If your emotional needs are being neglected, you may have felt that you too were to blame for this for some reason.

As adults, this can manifest as an overreaction to criticism. You may interpret the criticism you receive as personal attacks, reinforcing your deep-seated belief that you're not good enough.