Dimitra Papadema: I remember my father pointing a gun at me

Dimitra Pappadema spoke candidly to Ontime newspaper and journalist Sissy Menegato about her childhood.

What was your childhood like?

I was born backwards, with legs, to depressed parents, so I raised them. They didn’t raise me. I was exhausted by their immaturity. I lived from a young age with a family secret “humming” in my ear, that I had another father, who was a singer at festivals. It remained unclear. I never learned the truth from my parents.

They did not support me in anything and nothing. I had to work to support the family. I thought this is what I was supposed to do. I felt fear that had been with me for many years and then turned into anger. Especially for the mother. He died 7 months ago. He kissed my hand and thanked me for what I did for the family.

Dimitra Papadima: Until I was banned from studying…

Fear and anger. Very difficult feelings especially for a child. Is the wound big?

yes it is. I was hurt so much, so I was an only child. They even forbade me from studying, although I went to philosophy in Thessaloniki, because I had to work to take care of my younger twin brothers. I was 18 and secretly went to Rallou Manou’s Classical Dance School, because I loved dancing as a child, and later to Veaki Drama School.

When my dad found out, I remember him pointing a gun at me! Then I thought the bullet would go from my back into my chest and I wouldn’t get hurt, because I felt so strong! I wrote this scene just like that – and it’s not fiction – in my soon-to-be-released novel All Black. It’s a black comedy, because that’s how I see life now.

In the end, thank God, my father did not. My mom, unfortunately, wasn’t involved in the whole thing. Even today I feel the anger inside of me even though I took care of her until her last moment. It hurt me so much, it’s an incurable wound.