Sex education: is it important to start it at an early age?

“We often use flavored condoms, because the smell is more attractive than regular condoms,” our teacher explained via Zoom.

He took a minute to watch the participants’ expressions and found that some of them were clearly less impatient than he had expected.

“It’s really important that you don’t look or feel when you do this,” he said. “This is not what you want the youth to feel…”

Many parents may feel the same way when trying to talk to their children about physical intimacy, although attitudes toward sex education can vary widely from country to country and family to family, according to research.

Specifically, a study in the United Kingdom, for example, found that parents often feel ashamed and anxious that they lack the skills or knowledge to talk to their children.

However, this same review also found that in places like the Netherlands and Sweden, parents openly talk about having sex with their children from an early age, and that teenage pregnancies and sexually transmitted diseases are possible. and Wales.

Parents who are not comfortable talking about sex may find themselves in a difficult situation. Many want their children to know that they can come to them with questions and problems, especially in the digital age where children are facing porn content online at an increasingly younger age.

Eva Goldfarb, professor of public health at Montclair State University, co-authored a systematic review of the literature from the last 30 years of comprehensive sexuality education.

While the review focuses on schools, Goldfarb says her research also contains important lessons for parents.

The basic idea is that sex education has a positive, long-term effect, such as helping young people build healthy relationships. Her advice to parents is not to skip or delay these conversations.

“It starts sooner than you think,” she says. “Even with very young children, you can talk about the names of body parts and their functions, and the integrity and control of the body.”

This includes talking about topics that parents might not even see as related to sex, but more broadly related to relationships: “No one gets what they want all the time, it’s important to treat the whole world with kindness and respect.”

Parents who don’t know when and how to start these conversations may find it helpful to research the material in schools.

In a 2016 study in the United Kingdom, parents who showed their children books used in sex education lessons felt they had a better understanding of the topic, and also said that it made them more confident about talking about sex with their children.

Goldfarb says it may also be helpful for parents to meet with sex education teachers and get feedback on what their children will learn at the start of the school year.

International sex education guidelines, such as the comprehensive evidence-based guide published by UNESCO, can also be a good starting point for parents looking for age-appropriate advice for minors.

The UNESCO document uses simple and clear ideas about healthy bodies and relationships organized in blocks, rather than conveying everything in a “big talk”.

For a 5- to 8-year-old, for example, the basic idea is that “everyone has the right to decide who can touch their body, where and how.”

For teens, conversations can include discussions about emotional health, such as what it means to take responsibility for yourself and others, or ways to cope with peer pressure, as well as providing specific information about condoms and other contraceptives, according to the guide.

One factor that has proven surprisingly effective in sex education, but remains relatively untapped: pleasure.

A new systematic review of health interventions that include pleasure finds that explaining pleasure about sex can encourage safer habits. Programs that taught people how to achieve sexual pleasure were found to improve condom use more than those that focused on the dangers of unprotected sex.

“It’s also worth talking about the positives beyond protection, such as how fun condom use can be and can help you connect with a partner,” says Mirella Zaneva, one of the study’s authors and a candidate in experimental psychology at the university. Oxford.

Zaneva has found that pleasure is little mentioned, however, in sex education.

This means that if your child hasn’t heard about the fun from you, he probably won’t hear it at school either. “Many young people are likely to miss the positive and empowering conversations about sex in sex education at their current school,” she says.

She notes that the Pleasure Project, a public health initiative linked to the research she led, offers a variety of practical advice on how to incorporate pleasure into conversations with young people about sex.

“The evidence so far is that talking about pleasure can help young people practice safe sex, have more knowledge and positive attitudes about sex, and increase confidence and self-efficacy.”

Parents are often the primary source of sex education for young children, but teens tend to turn to many sources of information, such as peers, teachers, and popular culture.

And parents may not be the only ones concerned.

Research in Ireland has found that while in the past ignorance and patriarchal shame were the biggest barriers to opening conversations about sex, it is young people today who tend to block those conversations, claiming they already know the facts.

This doesn’t mean parents should avoid the topic, but it does show how important it is to frame conversations in a way that everyone feels comfortable with.

“Faites savoir à votre enfant à l’avance quand vous voulez parler de quelque chose de sensible, potentiellement embarrassant ou difficile à aborder. Il ne se sent pas pris en embuscade de cette façon, et il est plus p susceptible par d’être You speak.” Goldfarb said.

Even overcoming this fear can become a liberating experience. After all, sex and healthy relationships, or as Finnish researchers call them “physical feelings,” are important throughout adult life.

Young people are at the beginning of this journey and have the opportunity to identify values, habits, and priorities that can benefit them throughout life, not only in intimate situations, but in the context of moving around the world in a safe and considerate manner.

You may find that it is sure to be a part of this journey, and it is not unpleasant yet.